Looking down at my hands as I begin to type reminds me that “we’re not in Kansas anymore”. My hands are starting to reflect a person that in my mind I am not acquainted with.These can not be attached to this body can they? The person who belongs to these hands are fast approaching their 35th birthday.
To be honest I never thought I would make it to this day. When I was young, reckless, and careless I thought I would die young mainly because I always threw caution to the wind. By most of my friends standards, I was stupid. I lived in the moment and I didn’t care. I thought if I didn’t die I might be invincible. The other part of me that thought I would never reach thirty is the Christian side, which followed the reckless Carrie. I thought God was coming back quickly, which he is, however I am realizing God’s timing and my timing are vastly different.
Daniel managed a band once that sang a song called “Coming home”. A line from the song is:
“Now that you are older, you see the days they don’t last”
This was the best song on the bands album. Daniel and I have listened to it many, many times. As I write its the song playing and it’s giving me inspiration, (Mama Redwall says thanks to Evangelina).
Approaching thirty-five I see that the days don’t last and they fly by quickly. I don’t want a day to pass and wonder where it went and wonder if I had any impact at all. I want to know that in my life that I have made an impact somewhere or on someone. Staring down at my hands I begin to think about purpose, potential, and passion. You are never too old to find your purpose. You are never too old to reach your potential. Every person was born with passion but it is up to the owner of that passion to see it used to it’s full potential. I wonder what has made you think that you’re stuck, or that this as good as it gets. I know for me it was self doubt and fear. I’m pretty sure that crippling fear is what keeps people from doing that one thing that could astound and amaze people, or maybe astound the world. Another line in the song says “It’s not easy and life’s not fair” and it’s true. But we need to take the chance to dream and see what happens. I am glad for the thirty-five years but I am saddened that it took me this long to break the fear in me. I hope to astound, amaze, cultivate purpose, show potential, and live my life full of passion. If no one is changed by my life I will know that I am the one who was changed and that is an amazing thing.