In 2005 Daniel and I were on a search for a house. We expected it to be a 5-7 year house and then we would move on. We bought in the height of the housing market when people were out biding one another like crazy. We were out bid on a home that we loved by more than 12,000! This house was the last resort house. It was the inexpensive, short term, running out of time, don’t want to stay in an apartment for another year option. I hated this house from the word go. First, it is a ranch style house which is not my style, secondly it wasn’t cool old, it is 1970 old, YUCK! I ventured to make the best of this house since we’ve been here. Each room has been painted at least 3 times. We have all swapped bedrooms. Corinne’s current room has been a guest room, office, Kaija’s room, office again, Dylan’s room, office, and now Corinne’s room. That room has been painted 7 times. I HATE for things to be the same. I move furniture around almost monthly. I’m sure Frued would say something about me being unsettled and I would have to agree.
Nearing the end of last year redwall LIVE our advertising agency was doing very well and I knew that this meant that we were almost done putting in our time at this house. I’ve been searching for new houses, refusing to buy anything that would go into this house and waiting for the perfect day to list this house. The peculiar thing is that there was this little voice in my head telling me that it wasn’t going to happen. I’m serious, EVERY time I talked to a friend about putting the house for sale I could almost audibility hear “It’s not time. You are not moving.” I dismissed it as pessimism and I thought that if we were not moving Daniel would say something.
Thursday I decided to remodel our kitchen(I hadn’t even told Daniel). Everything in the kitchen is getting painted. (I would also like to mention that I started a bathroom reno about 5 weeks ago which isn’t finished yet.) Little did I know Friday was the day that I would get the answer I knew but didn’t want.
Daniel came home from work and started to help me. I had already been working for the last 7 hours alone. We started to talk about our company, our house, money, and life in general. We stood in our kitchen I hugged him and started to pray. I prayed for our employees, our customers, our future customers, and direction. I started crying asking the Lord for direction, petitioning the Lord about being a funnel of giving. I want so much to give more and serve more. Funny how when you pray answers show up, even if it’s not the answer that you want.
See I have been leaning on “The Lord will give you the desires of your heart” slogan that always gets quoted in church. I have been selfish thinking that God was going to hand me everything I want before me giving him everything he wants. We have known since the beginning of our relationship that we were called to give, no matter what that meant. I have literally given the shirt off of my back to someone. We have given people places to stay, food, furniture, jobs and money. We do it not for a pat on the back or for some sort of reward. We do it because we love the Lord and it pleases him. I assumed that God was ready to pour out blessings that we couldn’t contain.
As I am done praying Daniel says “It’s not time to sell.” The thing is I knew it but hearing it from him was like God smacking me right in my face. “Carrie, why won’t you listen?” I won’t listen to God because I am proud and selfish. You see we send our kids to a private school and our kids might as well live in the ghetto according to most kids that go to their school. I don’t like having their friends over because most of them are living in palaces compared to our house. One of the girls had a friend over that said “we lived in a house worse than this one once” and it mad me sad for my daughter because I don’t want her to be embarrassed about our home. I went to a Catholic school and we did live in the ghetto(of the small town). I know the embarrassment of that and I don’t want that for my kids. That makes me proud because living a Godly example should be more important than my home. I am selfish because I want my dream house. I have it all pictured in my mind and I am envious of the person who has the 100 year old farm house that I want.
As God drop-kicked me to my face I began to cry because I wouldn’t listen to him. He wants me to be content. He wants us to be the funnel no matter where we live. I know exactly how much money and what ministries we are supposed to support. I just assumed that my house would come first. So here I am polishing this turd of a house telling the Lord “not my will but his” and I will be content.
I will strive to be content in the house that God has given me for as long as it’s his will for us to be here. I will live thankful that I have a home and food because so many do not. I will keep painting and rearranging because for my whole life I can’t seem to quench this artist that seems to be in my heart. But most of all I will serve the Lord the way he has called Daniel and I to serve. We will give no matter what, because a house really is just logistics.